getting to zero

One of the hardest things you will ever do, is teach yourself to do nothing.

To be alone with just your thoughts, just your self, and to be comfortable in that.

I spend my days piling on busy-ness, rather than stopping, thinking, and implementing what I have already learned.  What I already know.

That’s a little crazy when you think about it.

You already know the answer, and yet you’re not doing anything about it.

You already know what you have to do, and yet you’re not doing it.

You already know the right thing, and yet you continue to do the wrong thing.

What is it about the brain that causes that?  What is it about you that does that?  It’s amazing how despite knowing the answer, you choose something else.  You look for that answer that you already have, that you’ve done nothing about, and blame others, blame your environment, blame the situation for your failure to execute.

You need constant stimulation, constant feedback, constant learning and adaptation, because the answers change.  What worked years ago, doesn’t work now in some cases.

But some things don’t change.

Some things are internet-proof.

Some things require real interaction, real people, and real actions.

As I sit here, staring into a screen that I’ve stared into for decades, I wonder about what I’m doing.  It’s been 25 years to get to this point.

This point of beginning.

It’s hard to think that all this work, all this time, all this investment has been to get to zero.

What I’ve come to realize is I’ve been lucky.  My drive, and brains, have gotten me this far, but it is exhausting.  What I have to do now is take everything I’ve learned, and be smarter about it.

That is what is truly going to set me free.